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Take a break and smile!

Sometimes we need to slow down and take a minute for ourselves in the middle of our hectic working days. Below you will find quotations taken from resumes and cover letters from all over the country. Take a break, smile and make sure you don't repeat these mistakes in your resume!

Feel free to send funny stories about your business-scientific-learning experiences or jokes that made you laugh to the offshore-environment and may be you will see them soon on our pages.


Resume Quotations

  • "I am very detail-oreinted."

  • "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."

  • "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."

  • "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."

  • "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."

  • "Special skills: Thyping."

  • "References: Leanne Kaye-Deceased Nov. 14, 1997."

  • "I will take the chaos of your office and reform it into a semblance of simple disorder"

  • "You will always find me to be an extremely trying person"

  • "I can play well with others."

  • "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."

  • "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."

  • "I am a pit bull when it comes to analysis."

  • "I love dancing and throwing parties."

  • "I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

  • "I am a rabid typist."

  • "Special Skills: Speak English."

  • "Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

  • "Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."

  • "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."

  • "Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."

  • "I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise."

  • "Personal: Married 20 years; own a home, along with a friendly mortgage company."

  • "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

  • "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

  • "Interests: I like to workout in my free time. I enjoy listening to music. I love to shopping in new places."

  • "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

  • "Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

  • "Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law."

  • "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

  • "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."

  • "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

  • "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."

  • "You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"

  • "I am sicking and entry-level position."

  • "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

  • "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."

  • "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."

  • "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

  • "My primary goal is to be recognized."

  • "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."

  • "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."

  • "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."

  • "I worked here full-time there."

  • "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."

  • "You are privileged to receive my resume."

 

 

 

 


"Time spent laughing is time spent with the gods."
Japanese proverb









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